Hey Synners, thanks for checking out my latest blog. I know it’s been a while, but everything has been going so smoothly I don’t think about addressing anything.
Inspiration for this blog was actually from another blog I saw posted. It was about a lesbian lady that traveled to a swingers resort solo. She was there to check it out and be nude but had no intentions of playing. She had a line in the blog that sums up why you are less likely to be harassed at a lifestyle event than you are at a regular bar or event.
“I never felt uncomfortable, even walking to my room naked and alone at night. It was as if no one wanted to ruin the good thing that we had going there. It was obvious that if consent weren’t the name of the game, there’d be no way for this game to exist.”
One of the big misconceptions about lifestyle clubs is you will be constantly harassed or people are just going to pick you up and throw you on the bed while having their way with you. In reality you are less likely to encounter those issues. Consent is such a major part of the lifestyle that you literally wouldn’t have it without consent being strictly enforced.
The single thing I am most proud of about Syn is how comfortable solo women feel coming. If there are any trepidations it’s more about what side of town we are on then Syn itself. Vast majority of the time it is the bar next door that causes any issues. One of the frustrating things about our set up is people often confuse the bar with Syn. I highly disagree with how the bar is run and it’s one of the major reasons we don’t do takeovers as often.
I’m not saying it never happens, however it is very rare. Our number one concern is everyone is safe so that is the main thing we are looking for as staff. I wanted to talk a bit about what we do to try and prevent it, what you should do in the rare case it does happen to you and what you can do to not be “that guy.”
One of the reasons we do the tour is to try and get a read on people that come in. When we have had issues there are certain traits these guys seem to all share. When we notice those traits we all let each other know to watch that person a bit more carefully. If you are a regular I might have even come up to you and asked you to watch someone and let me know any issues. One of the great things about the lifestyle is we all kinda watch out for each other. Many times things get squashed before they even get started.
We handle consent a bit differently at Syn than most places. The general rule in the lifestyle is to ask before you touch. For example: “May I touch your tits.” This is the general accepted rule for all lifestyle events. You will never “get in trouble” for using this tactic.
Personally I disagree with it. It puts the woman in an awkward position of feeling like she needs to say yes or come across as unfriendly. I like using what I call “reasonable consent.” Flirt and carry on a conversation if you feel there is a connection, make a small move and work your way up. She may be the biggest slut at the party, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be flirted with and woo’d. There is really no gentlemanly way to grab a ladies tits. Even when I have permission it feels creepy. I’m still embarrassed over the times I’ve done it years ago.
Many of the themes we are running now deal in some way with giving no verbal consent. A big fantasy for many women to be groped and played with by multiple men. I love this idea that if you do a certain act you don’t have to give permission but can still say no. “Yes is not required, but no must be respected.” It clears up so much and makes things a lot easier.
What do you do if consent is violated? Actual touching without permission very rarely happens at Syn. If we get complaints at Syn it’s almost always the same thing. “The overly friendly guy.” It’s some guy sometimes single, sometimes a couple that just won’t leave you alone and stop chatting you up. They are friendly, respectful, with no self awareness that you’re not interested. These can be the most difficult citations to navigate because they aren’t doing anything “wrong.”
The single biggest thing that I just can’t stand that guys do is the move where they just stare at a couple that is playing. Everytime I see it I just want to slap the dude and tell him to back up and learn some manners. I can not emphasize how much I hate this. It looks creepy. At best; you look like a puppy begging for scraps at the table.
The problem is it works.
So many times within a few minutes the dude is playing with the lady. Making this extremely hard to moderate. Again we are female focused so we want the women to be happy. I very rarely get complaints about this. The feedback I mainly get about it is that it’s hot or worse they just ignore it. I had one older guy that did it and people would complain. Since I asked him not to come back I think I might have had one complaint and one time another customer told a guy to back up before I got over there.
How to avoid being that guy. Guys all I ask is to have some self awareness. If you don’t want a bunch of dudes staring at you while you try to get it on, don’t do it to others. Don’t just sit in the playroom when everyone is outside socializing. It’s a sex club but the best single guys still talk and flirt. I get asked for tips all the time. Best advice is dress decently, smell good and be a good dude. These ladies are here to fuck but you still have to put some work in sometimes. Don’t expect to get laid just come enjoy the scenery and the vibe. If you think your 60.00 entitles you to get laid I rather you stay home and watch free porn.
What happens if consent is violated? As I mentioned before, the common issues are hard to moderate. In most instances the best way is to be firm and say no thanks. Never be afraid to say no. In my opinion as a man that’s your main job when you bring your lady to a club like Syn. If you do not feel comfortable saying no simply let a staff member know and we will talk to the person for you. We have no issues doing that.
If you are not there for single guys and want to be left alone while playing feel free to let us know up front. We will happily tell the guys to give you space while playing. If there is a guy or several around you I promise you we are watching closely. If you feel uncomfortable make eye contact with a staff member and we will come check on you or most likely correct the situation without having to ask you. We can’t do anything though if we don’t know.
We often check on people in the middle of play to make sure there are no issues. I apologize for the interruption, but we just want to make sure everything is ok. We try to time it in a way that is less intrusive.
I like to practice what I call the “Don’t tolerate, but educate” rule. If someone breaks protocol we try and coach them up why that’s not appropriate and how they should act. I remember vividly when I first walked into a lifestyle club as a lonely single male how my brain went into overload. I did not behave in a way I am proud of and to this day am still embarrassed by. I try my best to coach people into not making the same mistakes.
So my suggested protocol is to try handling it yourself by saying “No thanks, Bro can you give us some space.” Something like that. If they don’t listen please let us know and handle it. Please don’t escalate it. I know as a man if someone disrespects your woman you want to go Will Smith on them and I fully understand. That makes things way worse though and I may have to ask you to leave as well for mishandling the situation.
If you do come talk to us please have as accurate a description as possible. Also talk to us as soon as you can. A vague description a day later does us no good.
Hopefully you made it through all this. Any questions feel free to message me or ask in person. Again thanks for reading. I truly do appreciate it.